Or Amy, if the majority of people are calling you that now.
I’m writing to you to check up on you. I know when you were fifteen, you were having bad thoughts and had bad habits. I sincerely hope that those bad habits were taken care of.
What are you doing school-wise now? Did you decide to study music collegically? Maybe you actually went on to become a nurse like Liz so you can fix people like she does. For me, that would be the greatest accomplishment. That, or being a badass rock star who inspires people with her music. Both would be good.
Right now high school sucks, although it has dramatically improved since you moved out to Hartford. It’s funny, I wonder If you’ll even remember sitting here at the end computer in the HUHS library, typing this out and pausing to pick at the scrape on your knuckles from when you punched the fire place.
I know that sometimes I get the thoughts in my mind that once I move out on my own, I can finally cut without suffering the consequences. I’m sure you’ve found that is not the case. It still sucks, and that’s the way the world works.
This blog is like a time capsule; that’s the reason I am writing on it now. Even now, I can look back at all of the stupid things I have written from eighth grade, on. Look how far you’ve come since then. Look at how bad you wanted to die, but you’re still here. For that, I am proud of you. Even if by the time this reposts, you are not around, I am still proud of you because you’ve come a long way.
Also, don’t forget to thank all of the people who have helped you along the way. I am doing okay in that area right now, but I really hope you don’t forget that you aren’t where you are because of yourself.
I don’t care how old you are, what amount of time you have, or how childish it seems, keep doing the things you love. Like reading books, playing guitar, discovering new music, and drawing badass things. If you have stopped any of those I demand you do them as soon as you finish reading this. Or, if you know you’ll get distracted and forget, do it now. This post will be here when you get back. Why do tomorrow what you can do today?
Please keep your head up. Right now, I don’t think I’ll make it to be you in five years. Prove me wrong. Prove them all wrong.
– 15 year old you