Before I proceed to explain everything that happened, I would like to start by stating that there are several people who would claim I am taking this way too far, but who are also not enjoying their life as much I am. Sucks to suck. :)
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On December tenth, I was admitted to Rogers Memorial hospital once again. I thought I was done with self harm and feeling sorry for myself, but clearly I was unstable and had to get help. I broke down in front of Ms. Berndt, who then contacted the school social worker and blah blah blah… I ended up trapped in a prison that I couldn’t wait to get out of so I could die.
But anyway, At the hospital I met Liz, a nurse who is inspiring to say the least, and has definitely changed my life. From the first time I met her, I could feel the happiness radiating from her. By staying positive and maintaining a bright smile, she infected me with positive energy. In addition, she also spent a generous amount of time (balancing her documented work with the more personal part of her job) sitting by me in the doorway of my room, talking to me about nothing in particular or arguing with me about the positives in life. It seemed to me that she was dedicated to her job of helping people through their dark times, and relentlessly put out effort to drill good thoughts through my head. She also demonstrated how things really do get better, how smiling can make a difference in your life as well as someone else’s, and how not everyone in today’s world is out to screw you over.
I have made several attempts to thank her, however, due to some rules, I am not allowed contact with staff after discharge. That won’t stop me from trying, as I am a huge believer of thanking people face-to-face. I even went as far as sending Ellen Degeneres a message explaining that I need some help to give back to her. If anyone who reads this happens to know how to get in touch with her, please pass along this message for me.
Before even entering the hospital, I had the thought in mind that the moment I was discharged, I was going to head straight into my house, look for my father’s gun, and shoot myself on the spot. After passing through Liz’s gauntlet of good vibes, Those thoughts were scared off and no longer existed. I am happy to say that my future has become a whole lot brighter. Liz has helped me begin to love myself again, if I ever had, and began my push to truly inspire people. Simply by being herself, she has managed to accomplish what seemed to be an impossible task: saving my life and teaching me how to help myself.
For that, Liz, I thank you. And if you ever happen to come across this, I want you to be be aware of how much you’ve inspired me. I was wrong if I told you that not everyone can be saved or that it takes to long to get better. Sometimes, all you need is a little push. After all, flying is just throwing yourself and the ground and missing.
Keep smiling, it save lives.