Being strong I guess.

Hmm. I’m not much in the blogging mood today. I have nothing to share really, just depression stuff and my summer’s wasting away. I haven’t talked to that girl in Janesville for like, three weeks. I went on a date with someone else and then never heard from them again, and I just hurt.

It’s like I’m trying to fill that hole in my heart left by my previous relationship. I gotta stop. Either way I go I feel empty.

I’m just tired of feeling like this in general, and now that we don’t have insurance, I can’t get my meds, I can’t go to counseling, I can’t be sent back to Rogers… I can’t get help. So my only choice is to stay strong. That’s getting hard to do. I can’t keep going through these withdrawals.

I’m rambling on again. I’m sorry. I just need to vent sometimes and hope that someone out there understands. So far, my friends and family don’t understand.

I also haven’t told them about the voices, either. I can’t get help with that until this until this situation gets fixed.

I’m going insane. Ugh help me.

I don’t even know what I was saying.

Bye. :/

– Amy

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5 thoughts on “Being strong I guess.

  1. Hey Amy. Hugs. So the voices were there before… remember that…it helps to know. depression can do that . You can’t get any meds? Relationships can be tough.. dont try too hard on them.. there is so much time for them later or whenever. .. it will be right when it is right and worthwhile. I know silly words now, maybe you know what I mean though.

    so lets focus on you. Are you physically active during your summer off? Bike riding and such? Doing things that you like to do?

    Amy I dont like one of your tags. Are your thoughts leaning that way?

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    1. yes the voices have been there for a while now. So far no i can’t get meds.
      I know, but I really can’t help what I feel for someone. I don’t mean to fall for them.
      No i’m not doing the stuff I like. I’m mainly stuck in the house cleaning and doing nothing because i don’t have any safe mode of transportation.
      The thoughts have always been leaning that way, I’ve just been strong enough to overcome them all this time. It’s becoming more unbearable to be strong. I scare myself sometimes because of my thoughts and I just want to go back to the hospital, that way if I get the urges again like I did before, I have someone to talk to that will understand and I know i will be safe.I’m not a threat to myself, but the thoughts are just too much to handle sometimes.

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      1. Amy.. I am sure there are programs where you can get meds. Your doctor should be able to tell you. I will check when I get back from vacation… but your regular doctor will know. You have to ask though. Amy this question is an important one to ask. Dont listen to the voices… know they will go away again. Kk. Be strong.

        The doctor too…tell him or her about those thoughts. They have a way of becoming louder. If you want, email me… I vheckk it more than the blogs on vacation.

        You know I care and understand.

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  2. I’m not a professional or anything. Trust me. But I think if you put the thoughts away physically I guess–like writing them down and then burning or tearing or burying them, it would be a sense of some relief. Hm, maybe I’m quite stupid but I have this box. And in the box is all my bad thoughts. I lock them away in there and I feel much better each time after I do so. Also, music helps a lot. Just drown some of that stuff away with positive things. You could also use the outdoors as a release. Just go in your backyard and scream to the world. And above all, just know that you are much stronger. Even if you don’t fully believe it, tell yourself it. Fake it. Sooner or later it will seep in. I’m quite strange. Sorry this is so long. And sorry if I didn’t help. If you ever need someone, I’m a stranger but I’m here.

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  3. *reads* …. and *reads the comments too* ….

    I am so sorry you are having a difficult time. I wish sometimes I knew what to do to help others…to help those I have come to know on here when they are reaching out or who just need a comforting word.

    I read and wish I could tell you everything will be alright … because it can be alright. But I know tis hard to hear such things and think to yourself, ‘yes, that is true’, when your world is telling you otherwise it seems.

    But I will tell you anyway ok. Because if you hang on … and keep fighting, one day things WILL be better. Maybe tomorrow … or the next day … next month. I am not sure when. But it WILL be better one day … so you have to keep fighting ok. And I am sorry it is so hard to do.

    So whilst this is online land … and I cannot give you a real hug to help you, I will give you virtual hugs *huuuuuggg* … and think good thoughts for you.

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