Days 1 and 2

So it’s the second day into my meds and I feel awesome. Like I’m mentally bored, which is a good thing. I’m not getting distracted as easily. The only thing I don’t like about the meds, is the side affects. They’re supposed t0 go away in a few days, but they make me feel like shit.

I have to do stuff. Bye.

– Amy

So I Haven’t Been Posting

I’m sorry I haven’t been on for a while, you guys probably though I died. I’ve been way to busy to be wasting time on a computer.

I get my meds for ADD on Monday… I’m super excited about that.

That’s it.

I have to do homework now.

Yay.

– Amy

Sorry…

I don’t have a lot of time. I’ve been working for 2 weeks straight on homework. Gah.

Right now I feel like a hopeless turtle. Like the kind that can’t come out of it’s shell (depression), and then the person I like can’t see who I really am, so they think I’m weird.

Oh, highschool.

– Amy

1 More Day

I have one more day until I get results. Can’t wait.

Today was a little less depressing. Despite it being a B-day it was actually a good day.

I was supposed to write a huge essay by tomorrow, but I’m having a mind-block again. Grade close on Friday and I have U’s in all subjects so far.

I don’t understand.

When I get home, I do nothing but work until its time to go to bed. Still, the homework is rarely finished.

In fact, last weekend, I worked all weekend nonstop so I could finish making my Prezi, and when I actually finished it, I felt so accomplished. I had actually finished something. Today, when I got up to present, my Prezi didn’t work.

Congrats, I get a zero on something I wasted my whole weekend completing.

Can’t wait until tomorrow. Let’s hope I get some help.

– Amy

Stay Strong

Today at school I almost broke down crying.

I felt like crap, was forced to go to my moms house, realized I’ve gotten so antisocial that everyone thinks I’m quiet and shy.

I don’t want to be like this. I want my old self back. The one that was exciting, loud, funny, and always knew what to say. Now I’m to swallowed up in school and life that I can’t even make time for the people I love.

I’m a disaster.

But, on the bright side, my wrists have been clean through this whole situation. Someone promised me that they wouldn’t make me tell my parents if I never did it again, and I promised them I wouldn’t let them down.

I know that doesn’t fix anything, I’m smarter than that.

And just a few more days for the results…

– Amy

My Brain Is Fried

I have so much work to do. I’m so behind.

I feel like my brain is fried already, and when I go back to school and push it for another week without those two much-needed days of rest, I’ll finally go insane.

My weekends gone. I wasted it doing a bunch of homework. Now, when everyone walks into school tomorrow, their brains refreshed from the weekend, I’ll be tired already, feeling like it’s time for the end of the week.

I can’t even think straight. I’ve have no clue what I just typed. I need a nap.

Happy Saturday

I’m stuck spending my Saturday doing nothing but working on homework. I need to work the entire weekend, with few distractions, so I can complete everything that’s due on Monday. I can’t finish this stuff in school because I get so distracted that it pisses me off, and no one wants to work when they’re pissed off.

One time in History, this chick who sat behind me was whistling obnoxiously loud, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. Then I here the subtle noise of Pink Floyd being played on the radio in front of the school.

Suddenly World History class was much more bearable.

Living at my dad’s is really helping me focus. Apart from being happier, the fact that Dad and Jason are usually working outside in the garage means that I have fewer distractions. The only real distractions there are my guitar cases sitting in the corner, and my running shoes. They call me and tell me to use them. It’s tempting, and sometimes I give in.

Jason’s concerned, so he’s helping me get more organized. When we come home from school, he’ll tell me to get started on my homework and then go hang out with Kristi. Occasionally, he’ll check in to make sure I’m not stuck. He gave me his agenda because I lost mine, which helps out a lot.

But still, I’m getting really stressed out. If I get mad, or suddenly depressed and worried, my stomach will completely knot up and it’ll stay that way until I do something to distract me. See how this works against me? Sometimes it gets so bad that I actually throw up. I mean, I kinda have to mentally tell myself to, but afterwards, the nausea is gone and it usually doesn’t happen for another week.

Now don’t freak out and start calling me anorexic or some shit.I don’t want to throw up, it’s the worst experience in the world, and I’m not forcing myself to, it’s just that sometimes  I get so worried and have a panic attack, so I do anyway. It doesn’t happen very often, though. It’s only happened two times and it was months ago. I can stop it when I need to, but those two times were times I couldn’t and it just happened.

Anywhore, I have to make a Prezi for my Who Am I project, and I have great ideas for it. Now all I need is more time. I want to finish this Prezi, because the previous times I’ve made a Prezi, I’ve never finished it. If I finish something, I’ll feel more motivated.

Happy Saturday.

– Amy