An Update on Mr. Gilbert

I’ll just spit it out.

Gilbert is dead.

For those of you who are on Team Gilbert, I am sorry for your loss. For those of you who are on my side, LET’S THROW A FRICKEN PARTY!

I suppose you would like to know how he died. Even if you don’t, I want to share it. So deal with it.

I was sitting at my desk Saturday night, confident that there would be no ants crawling on my wall that night due to the recently laid ant traps. Next thing you know, there is Gilbert, waddling up to his little corner where he will sit and wait for nothing. Suddenly I have a lot of energy, so I grab the ant spray and a chair from the kitchen to finish the job.

When I come back into my room, Gilbert is still there, sitting there like a show off. As I’m setting up for the kill, I realize that I am sort of attached to the stubborn ant, but that he must die.

I also realized that spraying him with insect killer would make him suffer and cause him to fall to his death afterwards. What is the best way to kill Gilbert without making him suffer?

Fire.

Yes, I made him crawl onto a napkin, where he sat happily, then lit him on fire and dropped him in the toilet. Boom. Dirty work done. He didn’t suffer and had no clue he was going to die. He thought of it as a free tour around the house.

Now he’s somewhere in ant heaven, talking to Ant Jesus about how George the ant is still alive.

No ants were harmed in the regaining of my room. (<– Lies)

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