Gilbert The Ant

This is about the time of year when ants start invading people’s houses.

Unfortunately, they have decided to invade mine.

They’re all over my room. Every time I turn around, they’re there, slowly crawling along the top of my wall. I am way too short to reach them when they’re up there, and they know it. I have to stand still and wait for them to come down.

When they finally do come down, I’m so pissed that I squish them with toilet paper, light them on fire and flush them down the toilet. I know, you’re thinking, “How could you be so evil!?”

Let me explain:

They’re breaking into my house and crawling on me while I sleep. Then, they’re chewing on my dresser, curtains, and carpet. They don’t pay rent, either. If they paid rent and stayed out of my room, I’d let them stay.

Also, if I squish them and they aren’t dead yet, it would be cruel to just leave them to drown in the toilet. Therefore, the fire is necessary. It kills them instantly and they don’t feel a thing.

It’s no different than some guy crawling into your window dressed as an ant, crawling on you while you sleep. You’d burn him too.

Lucky for them, we are currently broke and have no money for an exterminator! So I hope they enjoy their stay.

One time I got so mad because one ant wouldn’t walk towards me, that I just started swearing at it. This of course, made his little black butt  run faster. I decided to name him Gilbert. I followed him around my room until I saw him crawl under the trim around my window.

Apparently he told on me to his friends, because now I no longer see just one ant. There’s always four or five at a time. And I can always squish the rest, because they eventually crawl down to the carpet, but Gilbert will walk into the corner and just sit there so I can’t reach him. He’s mentally torturing me.

I have a feeling the Gilbert will be one of the last ants to die. He’s smart, stuck up, and stubborn. Most of all, he’s one ant out of the whole colony.


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