I Lost

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Dementors

Kristin, when you start being a vacuum again, I’m not going to tell you by saying “Vacuum, Kristen, vacuum.” I’m going to point a stick at you and say, “Expecto Patronum!” just because. So I won’t be ripping on just you, I’ll be ripping on Chloe too. It’s okay, I rip on my friends all the time. Especially the bi-polar ones. I’m kidding I love my friends.

HAPPY kinda…

Don’t lose your sanity… or Qui Qui will get you.

I’m losing my sanity.  It’s slowly trickling away every time someone talks to me. Yet somehow, apart from all of the confusion, I still manage to keep everything inside, secrets included. My childhood has taught me self control: When to say something and when not to, and also how to say it. I manage to stay calm and collected in tough situations. I can’t do that any more. I’m losing my grip on reality and am slipping into this world that requires you to do nothing but sit back, relax, and watch the action unfold.

What the Bloch family lacks in patience, we more than make up for in strength. Becca, Jason, and I are the strongest in the family, it seems, for our generation. This Thanksgiving in our new little house that we put so much effort into, with just Jason, Dad, and I, felt like the warmest Thanksgiving of my life. There was no arguing or bad tempers.  All I could sense was a strong feeling of gratefulness and respect for one another.  Even Steve, one of my Dad’s old employees, came over to say “hi,” before running off to his parents house for the night.

But at my mom’s, it’s a different story. There are bad moods, a lack of caring, and an even more significant lack of understanding.

Every day.

I have this strange feeling that everyone is disappointed in me for not being worth more, for not doing more or being more productive. It feels like my whole family is like that. It’s never, “You’re doing great at trying to get better grades.” Instead it’s, “You need to try harder.” or “Your slacking, quit putzing.” I have been told numerous amount of times that I have a negative aura traveling around with me. Half the time, I don’t even realize it’s there.

You know that big sister I always looked up to? The one that has a beautiful family and owns her own store? Yeah, her. All of a sudden It’s all about the store and selling stuff. The picture of her and I at a Brewer’s game mysteriously disappeared from her Facebook. It seems to be replaced with wine racks and purses for sale. She’s making no effort to get in contact with us when we call. I miss her.

I feel confined in this box I call my room. I’m stuck here, pacing, listening to music, and reflecting on myself. My mom, step father, and brother may or may not be bickering out in the living room. In fact, might I add, I know the only reason my step dad is sticking around is so Jason and I have some kind of financial support. He loves us. I hope Jason can realize that. ..

My mother thinks she know what’s best  for her children. What mother doesn’t? But my guess is that she is in her own little world too, as a result of confining herself to the living room and the open world of the internet. She has gained a noticeable amount of weight, but denies that anything is physically or mentally wrong with her unless it makes her look helpless and gets her out of doing a chore.

You may think I’m sitting here writing this post from my heart at 12:17 am for attention. I’m not, and I sincerely apologize if it looks that way. I also apologize  if I make anyone feel like a bad person, as I have been told I do. But if it bothers you that much that your “a b***h“, despite my constant attempts to convince you that you are not, look at what you don’t like, and change it.

I want to add that I love my friends. You are like sisters to me, even if haven’t told you guys that. I will always be here for you guys and will always be honest with you. In fact, I am probably the most humble, honest, loyal, and understanding friend you will ever  meet.

All I am asking for, not begging for, is a little understanding and belief.

My Mom…

I don’t like her. She’s trying to convince everyone that she is useless. As far as I am concerned, she is.

Thanksgiving day was one of the best Thanksgivings I’ve had. It’s the first one in the new house, and it actually felt like we were a family.

This weekend… was weird. Let’s just say that I have no more dignity left and that I’m not talking to Kim. She’s a backstabber. :P I demand you make fun of her.

Mr. Skonecki says I had a nickname last week.  I have no clue what he’s talking about.

10 songs I’m obsessed with:

  1.  Zombie Love Song – Your Favorite Martian
  2. Stereotype Song – Your Favorite Martian
  3. It Will Rain/Set Fire to the Rain – Sam Tsui
  4. Gucci Gucci – Kreayshawn
  5. Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd
  6. Sing For the Moment – Eminem
  7. Country Girl (Shake it for Me) – Luke Bryan
  8. Not Afraid – Eminem
  9. Billionaire – Travie McCoy ft. Bruno Mars
  10. Crazy Girl – Eli Young Band
 Theses songs are either really catchy, or they speak volumes to me. See for yourself.

S.O.S

It’s a long post, but read it anyway.

My dad has not been having the time of his life. He’s been running into every problem possible with his health and social life. It started this summer when we got the house.

Let me add that the only reason we have the house is because his good friend, Mark, bought it so we could rent. Now THAT’S a good friend.

Here we are working on the house, which was a foreclosure, fixing everything. Fixing windows, toilets, siding… you name it, we fixed it. Everything was loose in that house too. Every screw, shelf and handle in that house was loose. We repainted the bedrooms (I have green walls now). Then when we finally drive up north to the camper, that fruitcake had to break into our shed and steal all our stuff when we really need it.

Then we move into the house and find stuff wrong with the ceiling and toilets. Whenever we used the toilet or shower it would back up in the basement until there was a giant puddle of poop separating you from the washer. Finally my brother looks into the pipe when the water’s clear and says, ” Hey! I see paper…,” and when we start pulling it out we realize that they are Polaroid pictures. So we’re  here having crap flood our basement because the last guy that owned the place was a nutcase.

Wonderful.

A while later he starts having pain in his arm to the point where he can’t even move the computer mouse at work. That restricts him from doing all the things that need to be done around the house. Also let me mention that he’s not the most patient guy, so he won’t wait until he gets better.

When we were moving logs from a neighbors yard, one of  his arteries has to collapse (we didn’t know it then). So, keep in mind that he is worrying about that this whole time…

While this is all happening, he’s in a lot of legal trouble because he’s not making payment on his old house. I’m sure that’s pretty stressful, too.

Now his collapsed artery is catching up with him and he started having chest pains at Taco Bell. He didn’t want to end up in the hospital for four days, but he had to anyway. That is where all the nurses had to stick him with needles every four hours for four days to draw blood. Doesn’t that sound fun? Don’t you just want to have a vacation like that?

On Saturday, my brother was talking to the poor guy  while he was driving to pick up his meds. All of a sudden Jason hears, *crash* “God **** it!” It just so turns out that some lady had to pull out in front of him and smash his car. What a great week, hey?

My main point is that this is a guy who has been through so much crap at one time. He has tried so hard to make what’s left of his kid’s childhood fun, with as little money that he has. He has been a loyal friend to a bunch of people and a great dad to Jason and I, so I think he deserves something for Christmas. He has done enough. I might just have to skip on the guitar and team up with Jason to buy a big gift for my dad this year.

P.S. Ally, I’m sorry for doing this. I know it makes you feel like a horrible person.

Sick again

I’m sick again. Right now I’m in that “the light’s on and I really want it off, but I’m too comfortable to get up” situation. I’m falling asleep typing this…

I’m going to have a boat load of homework to turn in. To make it worse, I don’t have my science book or social studies book in my backpack.  AND MATH: I won’t have a clue what we’re doing because I wasn’t there for two days. You know Mrs. Russel works on the same thing for a whole week… I guess that means less worksheets for me.

My dad went in for his surgery last night at 8:30. I forgot what they were doing to him but I still wished him luck. And Ally, I told him you said good luck and the first thing he said was, “Does she still bite people?”

I may not be going to his house tonight. I hope they’ll let him come home, but if not, I guess we’ll all go visit him. Jason and I need to help him take it easy… he’s really bad at that.

I’ll probably fall asleep, but I’ll be looking for comments…

PS I forgot to turn in the permission slip for the Folk Fair… but I have the money and the slip. I hope Mr. Skonecki lets me go….

Love is a Cure

On Monday, my dad had a heart attack.

Supposedly, he was at Taco Bell when he started feeling chest pains. He went to his car and someone called an ambulance, but when it got there, they had to fight him to get him out of his car. He, being a typical man, thought he knew whats best and didn’t want to leave. They eventually dragged him to the hospital and kept him overnight to run tests.

My brother found out right after it happened, but I wasn’t supposed to know until today. My step dad walks  into my room and says that there’s something wrong with my dad but that it’s his story to tell. After I force it out of him, he says that he wasn’t going to tell me because he didn’t want me to worry. Wait, you’re going to tell me that there’s something wrong with my dad, but your not going to tell me what because you don’t want me to worry? I was honestly more worried when I didn’t know what it was! I don’t get it. People have been doing that to me a lot lately…

Do you know what time I went to bed this morning?  I finally went to bed at 3:30. I had to wake up and hour and a half later.